Panic Attack...Nope

A few years back I had a full fledged panic attack while I was at the dentist's office.  They were having to break apart one of my fillings from when I was a kid and I felt like there were silver boulders bouncing around in my trachea.  And, admittedly, I kind of lost it.  It was not pretty.

Well, I put my big girl panties on today and went to the dentist for a cleaning.  A different dentist.  And while my hands were firmly clasped together I managed to stay downright relaxed...the whole time!

That's right, I'm a bad mamma jamma!

Click here to view my gallery.  Most of my paintings are for sale.

 

I'd love for you to share my art and blog with the links below.  Thanks!

Phyllis

So we have this chicken.

Phyllis is her name...and flying her freak flag like Phyllis Diller is her game.  Her feathers are poofed out all over her head in the most chickeny 'fro ever.   She is awesome!


On top of having the best chicken look ever, Phyllis is the sweetest chicken you ever could meet.  When you walk through the gate into their part of the back yard, Phyllis is the first one to come a runnin'.  That sweet girl wants you to pick her up and put her on your lap.  And then if you'd just spend a good long time scratching her back and smoothing her feathers everything will be just perfect.

And then there's this thing where when she gets startled she runs as fast as she can in the opposite direction of said startle until she runs smack dab into something.

So she's a little heavy on the sweets and a little light on the smarts.  I say that makes for the perfect chicken.

Click here to purchase this piece.

 

I'd love for you to share my art and blog with the links below.  Thanks!

Up, Down, and All Around

I generally like to blog about things that make my day, but today I'm feeling particularly generous, so I'm blogging about something that made my kid's day...though decidedly not my own.


Late last night I was letting one of our dogs out to do her business. 

Me:  "Scout, come on back!"

And she ignored me.  She does that.  I'm convinced that it's selective hearing.  But while waited for just a moment before deciding to close the door, a BIG cockroach scurried in.  Our kitten, Tommy, who is an amazing cockroach killer batted it...and it disappeared.  Tommy and I looked up.  We looked down.  We looked all around.  And then I felt something in my hair.

Me:  "Aaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"

I swatted it out of my hair, Tommy pounced on it, and that cockroach met its maker.


Then Scout showed up at the door ready to come in.


And then I realized that even though I'd screamed, no one had bothered to come check up on me.  So I went to the kid's room.


Little guy:  "Yeah, I heard you scream and wondered why.  And that's so awesome about the cockroach!"


I love making someone else's day!

Click here to purchase this piece.

 

I'd love for you to share my art and blog with the links below.  Thanks!

A Quick Change

I had a long list of "never do"s today...that I did.

- wear ironed clothes
- make-up on
- hair held in place with hairspray
- addition of one bobbypin

I'm usually wrinkled, pale, and out-of-control frizzy.  But since I had an audition I decided to put my best professional foot forward.  Just as I was leaving I went to my little guy's room to say, "Bye."


Little guy:  just staring at me, saying nothing.

Me:  "Do I look like myself?"

Little guy:  "ish"


And off I went.  And then I came back.  And within five minutes of getting home I was my wrinkled, pale, out-of-control frizzy...and very happy...self.

Click here to purchase this piece.

 

I'd love for you to share my art and blog with the links below.  Thanks!

Rockin' Old Lady

I saw the cutest thing ever today.

I was driving through my parents' neighborhood today and there was an old woman walking on the sidewalk.  She was shuffling along in what looked like the classic old lady SAS shoes.  Her white socks were scrunched at her ankles.  Her long tiered baggy jean skirt swayed just a bit to and just a bit fro.  Her floral blouse was rockin' every color of the rainbow.  And her vest hugged her rounded sides.


Me:  "Aw, check her out.  She's slow, but she keeps on truckin'."

Little guy as we passed her:  "She's slow because she's texting, mom."

Me:  "Wow!  She walks faster than I do when I'm texting."


So, rock on technologically awesome little old lady!!  Rock on!

Click here to purchase this piece.

 

I'd love for you to share my art and blog with the links below.  Thanks!

Fun is What you Make it

I've officially crossed the line over into nutville.  Yesterday I had to take one of those standardized test things for my teaching certificate.  I was given five hours to complete 150 questions and I was finished in three.  But for those three hours I was ridiculously happy.  While I'm not a fan of the amount of such tests being given to our 3rd through 12th grade students, I , personally, rather enjoy the things.

Perhaps it's because it's the first such test I've had to take in over ten years.  Perhaps it's because I knew I was fine whether I passed it or not.  Perhaps I'm just a whack job.

But enjoy it, I did...even on those questions where I totally thought to myself, "I know nothing about what they have in the question and absolutely none of the four possible answers ring any bells about anything."

And unlike the tests I took a decade ago, which I had to wait a very slow and agonizing two plus weeks to receive my results in the mail, I was given my results this morning via email.  And I got 90% of it correct.

Yup, I dug it...does this girl know how to have a good time or what?!?!

Click here to purchase this piece.

 

I'd love for you to share my art and blog with the links below.  Thanks!

And this is how I Ruined the World Cup

Yup, hard to manage, but somehow I did.  Innocently enough, though, I assure you.

Here's the thing.  I don't watch TV.  The only thing I know how to do with our set-up is to turn the TV off with the remote when someone in the family leaves the room with it on.  Beyond that, I'm completely ignorant of all the details and capabilities.

So here's what happened.  I was sitting at the kitchen table painting and mindlessly scanning through facebook (yes, I can do both at the same time) and all my guys kept roaring and cheering and making all sorts of other strange game-watching sounds.  One big cheer over a play erupted just as I'd read a post with a video from one of my little guy's fabulous former teachers who happened to be in Germany right at that moment.  Cars were honking like crazy and fireworks could be heard in the background.   

So, thinking that the Germans in the video were also excited about the play my guys had just seen, I say, "You should see this video of folks celebrating in Germany!"

They all stopped cheering, looked at me with their jaws dropped, and then glared.

Me:  "What?!?!"

Well...apparently Dave had DVR'd the game and they were watching it just fifteen or so minutes after real time and I just totally gave away the ending.

Technology...jeepers, right?

Click here to purchase this piece.

 

I'd love for you to share my art and blog with the links below.  Thanks!

Why Buy it When you can Make it for Free?

No, this isn't a blog post about being crafty.  Not even close.

Nope.  it's about my kid coming to me today wanting to order something off of Amazon.


Little guy:  "Can you order this to me?  I'll pay for it."

He shows me a web page with something called a "fart bomb".

Me:  "Why do you want this.  You can fart on your own and make those noises."

Little guy:  "It's not a noise thing, it's a smell thing."

Me:  "You can fart on your own and make those smells."

Little guy:  "It's not the same.  And I could just throw one in my room when my friends are in there and hold the door closed."

Me:  "Oh, so you want me to buy something that will stink up my house and is also something that you can make with your own body for free?"

Little guy:  "Yeah, it'll be awesome...and I'll pay for it."


Somehow I suspect that I'd end up paying for it in some way or another.


Me:  "I love you stinky...but no!"

Click here to purchase this piece.

 

I'd love for you to share my art and blog with the links below.  Thanks!

Inspired

I love to "cheat" every once in a while.  From time to time I find myself surfing the web for art subject inspiration.  Usually not...usually there's enough entertaining me in my own life to keep me filled with artistic ideas, but every once in a while it's fun to see what's out there.

So the other day when I was in the back yard hangin' with my chickens and tinkering with some chicken drawing ideas, I pulled out my phone and googled something along the lines of "how to draw birds" or some such thing.  Well, a video popped up.  A video geared to children, no less, and it showed how to draw an owl.  It was adorable and I just had to try my hand at it.  And then I added a background and color to make it more my own.

So much fun!

Click here to purchase this painting.

I'd love for you to share my art and blog with the links below.  Thanks!

The Eggs are Numbered

Big guy:  "Why do all the eggs have numbers on them?"

Me:  "For rocketry."

Big guy:  "Why for rocketry?"

Me:  "We needed to know how much they each weighed so we could shoot them up in rockets."

Big guy:  "Oh."


I'm so glad I live in a house where numbered eggs draw only the slightest bit of attention for being out of the ordinary.

Click here to purchase this painting.

I'd love for you to share my art and blog with the links below.  Thanks!

The Forgiveness of Curls

I get a little twitchy about my hair every six months or so.  Boredom, disgust, disappointment, you name it.  But I'm too cheap and admittedly lazy to actually make an appointment and take care of it.  This time I decided to take matters in to my own hands.  Literally.  On pure impulse I grabbed a chunk of hair and "did it just like the professionals"... -ish.  Then I grabbed another chunk, and another, and another, until I'd made it all the way around.  And, by golly, it worked!  Mind you, I have very wavy hair and it is, by nature, forgiving of haircut mistakes, but it worked!

And every time I go into the hallway bathroom at our house I swear the shears on the shelf wink and beckon me to use them again.  And sometimes I do!

Click here to purchase this painting.

I'd love for you to share my art and blog with the links below.  Thanks!

Spring Break...uh, who's excited?

The kid and I were hanging out in the kitchen when we got home today.


Me:  "Yay, SPRING BREAK!!!"

Little guy:  "I'm definitely more excited than you are, mom."

Me:  "How do you figure?"

Little guy:  "I just know that all the students in town are more excited than their teachers about spring break."


Yeah, I'll let him think that.

Click here to purchase this painting.

Turns Out I DO Take Work Home with Me

So what happens when my kid knocks a new jar of pesto out of the cupboard?  Well, aside from a huge CRASH!!!, I find out that I do take work home with me.  It's not as bad as it sounds.  I'm actually quite disciplined about not taking my work home with me.  But as we're cleaning up the shardy, basily, olive oily, pine nutty, parmesan cheesy mess, my kid says, "You missed a piece of glass over here...oh, wait, it's just glitter.  Must be from your work."

Yup, sure 'nuf.  While I don't bring paperwork home from my job, I absolutely, positively do bring sparkly bits into the house now and then.

Click here to purchase this painting.

Fall Asleep Anywhere, Anytime, in Any Position

I have many memories of my maternal grandfather, and one of them is that he could sleep anywhere.  Anytime.  In any position.

Literally.

I very clearly remember him standing in a room, leaning against the wall while someone played music on the piano, and he was snoring.  Softly, but snoring nonetheless.

Well, yesterday I released my inner grandpa.  We were at a rocket launch waiting, waiting, waiting for the clouds to clear so we could launch.  It was crazy windy and a bit cold, so my little guy, one of his teammates, and I got in my dad's minivan.  They sat in the bench seat to watch a movie and I sat in one of those canvas chairs folks bring to soccer games and such.  (My dad's van is fairly emptied out to allow room for his wheelchair.)

Anyway, there I sat, eyes getting heavy, and before I knew it, I was seriously asleep.  I didn't know until I jolted awake.


Me:  "Did I snore?"

Little guy:  "No, mom.  You kind of slurped."


Hmmmmmmm...I don't remember my grandpa ever sleep slurping.

Click here to purchase this painting.

My Food is Safe

You know how with a lot of families parents go to great amounts of trouble making special meals for their picky children?  Well, our family's not like that at all.  Nope.  Dave and the boys are easy and they'll all eat pretty much the same thing.  I'm the one who's the problem child. 

I'm always eliminating certain things from my diet, deciding I'll only eat this type of thing, and it always has to be prepared in a very particular way.  Oh, and it's a moving target.  They never know what is on my "yes" or "no" list on which day.

But, there's a big perk to this, I tell ya.  My food is totally safe.  Safe from midnight snackers and such, that is.  No one ever eats my leftover veggie sandwich that's covered in jalepeños.  No one is the slightest bit tempted by my odd flavors of yogurt.  And no one ever, ever, ever even considers taking a nibble out of my bags of chia, hemp, or acai berries. 

Being weird definitely has its perks.

Click here to purchase this painting.

Could this be #9 and counting?

So my little guy finally went to the bonologist today after telling me he needed to see a doctor about his foot...for a week now. 


Little guy:  "I think my foot is broken.  It really hurts, mom.  I need to see the doctor."

Me:  "Put some ice on it."

Little guy:  "The cold hurts."


Little guy:  "Mom, it's feeling worse every day, not better.  I need to see the doctor."

Me:  "Let's just wrap it up in an ace bandage.  Better?"

Little guy:  "Not really."


Little guy:  "I can't walk."

Me:  "Do you think we need to make an appointment with the bonologist?"

Little guy:  "Sigh...."


Anyway, he did go to the doctor this morning.  And while they didn't find anything conclusive on the x-rays, his diagnosis was a bone bruise or fracture and he's been fitted with a lovely and large boot that he has to wear for three weeks.  I know, I know, worst mom of the year here.

And I should know better by now, I really, really should.  After all, he's already broken eight bones.  The dude knows when he's broken.

But it's all fine.  I love my kid, he loves me...and now my inner crafty chick has a few weeks to figure out how to make that heavy boot fit in with all the casts and splints on the "injury" mobile I created for him a few years back.

Click here to purchase this painting.

Hey, Good Lookin'

We all want confident children, right?  And we want them aware of their strengths and to feel generally pretty great about themselves, right?

Well, the other night I was in the kitchen with Dave and our little guy.


Me:  "Our kid is so much better looking than either of us."  This is a perfectly OK thing for me to say as a mom of my beautiful kid.

My kid:  "Yeah."  Hmmmmm...while it's perfectly OK for him to respond in this way, I'm thinking perhaps it could have been said with just a bit of a pause to reflect upon the genetic goo he received.


You know, something like, "I'm just so lucky that both of my parents are soooo good lookin'."  A white lie like that is perfectly fine in my book.

Click here to purchase this painting.

I Got Zapped!

Static electricity drives me a little nuts.  It's not my friend.


It makes my skirts get up all in my business.

It makes me accidentally shock my wee little students.

And it makes it nearly impossible to walk through Costco with a cart without a zap every ten steps or so.


It's a problem.


So the last time I was at the gym I started feeling the slight raise of the hairs on my arms as I walked briskly on a treadmill.  And then I felt the hair on my scalp shift just a bit.  And then my husband came up behind me and touched my thigh...and ZAP!!!!!!

I almost wiped out...at 3.6 miles per hour.


Nope.  Not a fan of static electricity.

Click here to purchase this painting.

More Psychic than I Wanna Be

I'm pretty close to my kids.  No doubt.  Many, many years of mostly relationship building stuff and here we are.  But sometimes we're just a little too close.  As in psychically close.

The big guy was heading out to meet someone about some potential work.  I was in the kitchen when he came to the bar to talk to me.  I looked at him as he sat on a stool.


Me:  "You look nice."

Big guy:  "You can only see a little of me, mom."  Ya, it's hard to give the guy a compliment.

Me:  "Well, from what I do see, you look nice.  Except you better zip up your fly."


Now, could I see anything on him below his chest?  Nope.

Was his fly indeed open?  Yup.

Did we get just a tad freaked out?  You bet.

Click here to purchase this painting.

Adorkable

You know when you're being goofy because it's pretty much the only way you know how to be?  Well, my husband came up with a new term for that...and he used it on me.

"Adorkable"

Yup, a perfect "adorable" and "dork" combo plate.

Good to know at forty-six that I'm still darn adorkable.

Click here to purchase this painting.