Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Some Like it Hot

I've always prided myself on my ability to eat the heat.  I love spicy foods...I really, really do.  At one sitting I'll easily consume one third to a half a jar of pickled jalepeños and not break a sweat or be bothered in any way.

So tonight when I took my kid to a sandwich shop I asked for jalepeños on my sub.  And out came a whole pickled jalepeño which the sub technician sliced open, squeezed all the juice on my sub, and then sliced it up and put all the jalepeño meat and the seeds on my sandwich.

Well, I ate that sucker, and I LOVED that sucker, and I was on FIRE!

And I really, really enjoyed it.

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Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Wakey, Wakey!

Apparently there's a right way and a wrong way to wake up my kid when there's something he and I need to do over the weekend.

Here's what I do (AKA "The Wrong Way"):  I walk in, tap his shoulder, tell him it's time to wake up, pull the covers down a bit.

Here's what he does:  Ignore, ignore, pull the covers back up, zzzzzzz.


Later that day I am told what I should do to wake him up:

"Do something repetitive and loud until I get up and make sure you're a distance away so that when I thrash around kicking and hitting to make the noise stop I don't hurt you."


Well, now, that was a very helpful suggestion.

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Monday, April 28, 2014

Back in Roman Times

Seems like we've gone back in time every few days.  The thing is this.  Our kitten loves catching cockroaches.  Really, it's a beautiful thing.  But he goes a bit ancient roman times on us and I end up cleaning up his mess...though I don't really get on his case about it.

From the evidence, here's what I've concluded he does at night:

- He spies a ridiculously large cockroach.
- He catches said cockroach.
- He takes the cockroach to the bathtub (which turns out to be a spot from which cockroaches cannot escape...his own personal arena).
- He"plays" with the cockroach for some undetermined amount of time.
- He gets in bed with me and wakes me up by tapping my face with his paw.
- I find the massacre evidence in the morning when I want to take a shower.

That second to last part really grosses me out after I realize what his dirty little paws have been up to.

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Sunday, April 27, 2014

Not so Smart After All

My kid is smart.  Smarter than the word "smart" it turns out.

The other day I was closing the back door of my car and I managed to clip my left hip bone in the process.  Hard.  I still have a mark.

Anyway, here's how the ride in the car went.


Little guy:  "What just happened mom?  You had a funny look on your face."

Me:  "I hit myself on my hip bone when I was closing the door."

Little guy:  "Not smart, mom."

Me:  "No kidding."


A few minutes later.


Me:  "Dang, that really smarts!"

Little guy:  "What are you talking about?"

Me:  "My hip bone."

Little guy:  "'Smarts' is the stupidest word ever for that.  You should say it 'stupids'."


Kid has a point.

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Saturday, April 26, 2014

Officially "Vintage"

Spent a lovely day celebrating birthdays with my mom today.  We ate good grub and then we went shopping at a vintage store.  I went through rack after rack finding tons of amazing things that were way too high maintenance for little old me (i.e. required dry cleaning and/or ironing), but happily, I did find a few must-haves.  At one point we were chatting it up with one of the owners and she mentioned that they're getting stuff from the 80s and earlier because they are a "vintage" store, after all.

Um...80s, eh?  So the clothes I wore in high school are now considered "vintage"?  What?  And then I looked at my mom and thought, "No, clothes from when she was in high school are 'vintage'.  That's how it's always been."  But I kept my pursed "vintage" mouth shut and figured that, hey, I've got some stuff in my closet that's officially worth something.

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Friday, April 25, 2014

Doodling with Daddy

Dave and I were out having dinner at a coffee shop/restaurant kind of place.  And while he and I debated whether Darth Vader did or did not say, "Luke, I am your father" (he did of course, Dave thought he said "I am not your father"...um, no, I was right), at the next table over there was a bespectacled little girl about six years old sitting at a table with her dad...and they were both doodling...and talking...and doodling.

It was pure delight!

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Thursday, April 24, 2014

When I was a Fish

I've got a kid in college now.  Does he talk about it?  Nope.  Do I have any idea what his grades are?  Ya...nope.  Mums the word on all that stuff. 

I suppose that's why a memory popped up for me.  When I was a freshman in college I tanked grade-wise.  I'd somehow managed to float through high school with very little effort and still ended up in the top ten percent, so actually needing to study in college took me by surprise.  Left me with an, "Oh....."

So I got to studying and managed to get myself all Dean's List worthy by Christmas.  So what did this totally broke college kid give her parents as gifts?  Little notepads made out of quartered "A" college papers.  The perfect little notepad for taking down a message by the phone.

And, by golly, as I recall, my parents used those sweet little notepads for a number of years. 

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Wednesday, April 23, 2014

The Journey

I save critters.  A lot of them.  Everything from ants to cockroaches (yes, but only a few) to baby squirrels, to baby possums, to cats and dogs.  I'm a bit of an Ellie Mae Clampett.  I like that about me.

The other day when I was driving through Zilker Park I spied a turtle on the side of the road.  I had a few thoughts go through my head, and they went like this:


"Oh, little turtle, don't try to cross the street."

"Oh, gee, if I stop I'll be super late to where I'm going."

"You're going to hate yourself if you don't go back."

"OK, OK, I'm looping around."


All that dialogue took about ten seconds and I was to the spot where I could loop around.  And I did.  I pulled past the turtle, got out of my car, and walked back to where it was...exactly where I'd seen it.  I was hopeful as I approached, but as I got to it it was clear that it had already been mortally wounded, long before I'd first passed.

As it was positioned just a foot or so off of the road I decided that being right near the road while cars zoomed past while baking in the heat was just too awful.  I picked this beautiful creature up and carried it down to a quiet spot near some water.  It was already dead so perhaps there was no point, but I told the red slider what a lovely creature it was and wished it well on its journey. 

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Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Egg on Your Face

Found myself pondering that expression this morning...as I had egg on my face.

My favorite breakfast these days is two poached eggs and a heapin' gob-o-veggies.  Yum.  And this morning as I was eating said breakfast, some runny yolk ran right down my chin.  (Maybe that's why they call them runny!)

Anyway, the saying means you've made a mistake, that you're left feeling foolish or some such thing.  Well, it didn't feel like a mistake, really.  I didn't feel foolish.  I just felt a little slimy, something a quick swipe of my napkin solved.

So my new interpretation of that saying is, "You're clearly eating a fabulous breakfast!"

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Monday, April 21, 2014

Got my Party Dress On

Well, not really.  Really I've got my skinny jeans on.  But, hey, it's my birthday, so I can pretend what I want, right?

I like birthdays.  I like getting older.  I like admitting how old I actually am.  And I'd like to think I still will when I'm in my eighties.

So...I'm rockin' forty-seven this year.  And what have I said today?


"I'm going to be odd this year."  To which folks have said/though.  Um, I thought you were already odd.


Oh, and since I'm forty-seven...and since it's a prime number in addition to being odd...this year I'm officially in my prime.  In an odd way, of course.

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Sunday, April 20, 2014

Home Sweet Home

Rituals have changed in our house over the years.  When our kids were little we were all about making sure Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny did their part in the eyes of our kiddos.  We'd stay up late, wake up early, and live in a state of exhaustion that was totally well worth it.  Over the years we've pared things back a bit.  The Tooth Fairy...well, she pretty much left he scene on her own as all those delightfully large adult teeth grew in.  But Santa and the Easter Bunny...they have been cling-ons.  Course now they don't cause us any lost sleep, thankfully.

So this morning I was out walking our dog at about 8:30.  I passed a house with little ones enthusiastically hunting for eggs in their yard.  "How adorable," I thought as I continued walking and thinking about how cute my kids had been with their own little Easter baskets and bunny ear headbands.

"My kids!!!!"  Yup, I'd forgotten to do my Easter Bunny job before I'd left. I think I'm taking this "paring things back" a little too seriously.

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Saturday, April 19, 2014

Side Dish Delight

I figure folks must think my kids have the worst diet ever.  The thing is, every time I'm asked to bring a "side dish" to a potluck, I bring cookies.  What does my kid have to say about this?


Little guy:  "Yeah, they probably wonder...but I like your cooking."


Kid tested.

Kid approved.

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P.S.  Just a reminder...all of my original paintings are 50% off to celebrate my 1000 paintings in 1000 days! Through 4/21 (my birthday)!  Message me the ones you'd like and I'll adjust the price (I can't do a blanket markdown on the site, unfortunately). Thanks!!! http://www.dailypaintworks.com/Artists/kali-parsons-3935

Friday, April 18, 2014

Rockin' the Spots

Gave our elderly dog a buzz cut today.  She's not a fan, but she puts up with it.  Now I knew she was blind in one eye, a bit hard of hearing in both ears, a little slow with her stride, and slow to get up when she's been down a while.  But this time I was surprised by the crazy increase in the number of freckles all over her back.  And as I held the clipper and exposed more and more of them I saw her spots mirrored on the back of my own hand.

Yup, she and I are aging...and we're seriously rockin' the spots.

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P.S.  Just a reminder...all of my original paintings are 50% off to celebrate my 1000 paintings in 1000 days! Through 4/21 (my birthday)!  Message me the ones you'd like and I'll adjust the price (I can't do a blanket markdown on the site, unfortunately). Thanks!!! http://www.dailypaintworks.com/Artists/kali-parsons-3935

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Texting...Leaf Blower Style

When it comes to texting, I'm like that nutty guy with the leaf blower.  There's that one leaf that just won't comply and go where the dude wants it to.  Does he just lean over and pick up the errant leaf?  Nope.  No way.  He blows it this way and that and this way again.  I get it.  He wants to use the tool he's got available, right?

When it comes to texting I'm so like that nutty leaf blower guy.  You know there's that really cool little microphone feature there so you can just say what you want to have in your text.  I use it all the time.  And it's far from perfect.  I wanted to tell someone to get bean and cheese burritos, and even though I said it as clearly as I could muster, it kept on coming up, "being burritos".  Did I just take a second and manually type in "bean and"?  Nope.  No way.  I tried recording it over and over and over again.  I had the tool available and I wanted to use it.

Me?  I get that nutty leaf blower guy.  Yup.


P.S.  Yes, I did eventually manually type in "bean and".  But I didn't like it.

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Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Hairy Cat

I love to wear black.  I usually have some black on pretty much all of the time.  My bikini is black.  My workout clothes are black.  My favorite shoes are black (except for my most recent pair which is leopard print...but those are totally cool, as you'll see later in this post).  My jackets are black.  Most of my shirts are black.  And a large number of my dresses are black as well.

I also love my cats.  A lot.  And they happen to be orange tabbies...which is the problem.

As it's warming up, they're beginning to shed.  A lot.  This means their hair is everywhere, even with a good brushing now and again.  And all that orange hair has become my accent color.  Skip back to my comment about my new leopard print shoes.  Well, those are only improved by the addition of soft orange kitty cat hairs.

So here's what I think needs to happen.  There needs to be a chameleon cat invented.  They're doing wackier stuff with DNA, so why not, right?  A cat who could not only blend in with any color background, but its shed hair would easily blend in with any item of clothing I could challenge it with.

Alright you scientist types...go!

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Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Out of the Night

Seriously, I've managed to pack two symbolic events into about five hours.

Dave and I woke up at 2:00 AM to see the beauty that is a blood moon.  It was amazing...but sleepy girl that I was, I got up, saw it, and crawled right back into bed.  Dave, trooper that he is, stayed up taking seriously amazing photos, all the while freezing his buns off.  So of course, as soon as he got back into bed he snuggled up to me.  That was great.  Then put his sub-zero feet on me.  That was not so great.

And then before I knew it, my alarm went off and it was time to get up for real.  I did my morning stumble around routine and began to cook my breakfast.  And lo and behold, the first egg I cracked had a double yolk.

I dare not go on too much of a symbolism quest as one never knows what will be found.  But to my eyes and mouth, I saw something amazing and beautiful and I tasted something quite delicious.

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Monday, April 14, 2014

Eclipsing the Moon

Of all the heavenly bodies, our moon is most definitely my favorite.  As a child I was convinced that the moon followed me.  As a young adult I was quite sure it could sense my every thought as I gazed upon it.  These days I'm pretty darn sure that both are true.

And maybe, just maybe she'll call to me in the wee hours to take in her majesty in tonight.

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Sunday, April 13, 2014

A Walk in the Park

Managed to go to two grocery stores today.  And each boy went with me on one trip.  Kind of awesome that they'll still go shopping for groceries with me at 15 and 18.  I dig it.  Course one wanted some "say so" power about what I bought for the week, and the other wanted to be allowed to drive the car in a big empty parking lot on the way home...but hey, they wanted to go with me. 

Anyway, my kids know I'm totally uninterested in finding a parking spot close to the entrance.  It's really not even on my priority list, so when I parked today, here's how it went.


Little guy:  "Really, mom?  Here?"

Me:  "Gosh, I remember you used to really like long walks with me in the park."

Little guy:  "But this is the PARKing LOT."


I suppose he has a point.  I also suppose the looooong walk was not at all unbearable.

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Saturday, April 12, 2014

Not Going There Again

Took my boys shopping today because they needed shorts.  And me, well, I needed nothing.  But I looked anyway just in case I needed to be impulsive or anything like that.  And, by golly, I found the cutest T-shirt.  It wasn't with other shirts that looked like it, so somebody must've just set it there as an unwanted.  But I dug it.

I strolled around while I waited for my guys and I stumbled upon a pile of shirts just like the one I had on.  And, oh yay, it was on sale.  I held it close as I was already in love, my eyes tracked upward, and there was a mannequin wearing the very shirt I was holding.  A pregnant mannequin.

Oh...

And I delicately set the shirt down on the pile and walked away.  Nope, not going there again.

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Friday, April 11, 2014

The Gift of Giving

I've come to the conclusion that giving away my art gives me one of the best feelings in the whole wide world. Now don't get me wrong, selling my art is pretty awesome.  But the feeling I get when I give a piece of art away is definitely a notch or two higher than that.  I think I'm definitely going to have to give away my art on an even more regular basis.  What can I say...it's a guilty pleasure.

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Thursday, April 10, 2014

Cat-astrophe

I'm thoroughly convinced that my kid likes torturing me.  Here's how I know.

I'll be at work teaching my awesome students and my phone alerts me that I have a text.  When I finally get around to checking it, it's usually a photo of our pets being seriously adorable.  And there's nothing quite so adorably distracting as a sweet dog or cat totally waiting to be snuggled.

But today I think I realized that my kid is torturing the pets, too.  Not that the pets are hurt in any way.  And not that they even have a clue that something is terribly, terribly wrong.  But today's mom torture photo text was a photo of our kitten and our old cat on my little guy's disgusting unmade bed.  Mess can be seen on the bed, on the floor near the bed, and even out into the hallway.  And the reason I know this must be torture to the cats, too, (though they choose to remain on that bed for some reason) is that the kitten has his eyes closed and the old cat has one eye closed and the other just barely open.  Please scroll down a bit to check out just what I mean. 

The can't even look at their surroundings!

I think maybe, just maybe, that tonight is a good night to make the kid clean his room.

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 The Evidence

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

But First, Let me Take a Selfie

It was a day of brief waiting for me.  Not highway traffic or anything like that.  Nope, this was purely people impeding my path of desire.

I was at the gym today.  One machine away from the finish line.  As I was completing my three sets on my second to last machine of the day, a fella got settled in on my last machine.  I thought, "Perfect!  We'll finish our sets at the same exact time and I'll just move right on over to that machine."

Well, it sounded great, but what happened is this.  Whilst I did my first two sets he primped his hair and took quite a number of selfies.  I figured they must be facebook "Workin' out at the gym, yo" status updates.  Or something else just as important.  As I started my third and final set, he began his first.  Sigh...no worries, waiting is good for the soul, right?

After my workout I went to the grocery store.  I wandered around getting everything we needed, checked out, and headed toward the exit.  In front of me was a little boy who must have been about four years old.  He had his own mini shopping cart that proudly sported a banner that read "Shopper in Training" or some such thing.

Well, just as he passed through the door, following his mom, he stopped dead in his tracks, folded his arms on his chest, and uttered what must have been, "hummmph!"

I found myself not at all bothered by this delay and totally wished that little guy had a cell phone he could whip out and he'd say, "I could leave the store, but first, let me take a selfie."

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Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Farrah's Feathers

OK, I'm totally going to admit something here.  Yup, when I was in junior high and high school I absolutely wanted hair like Farrah.  I never managed it as I was convinced that I'd never have hair that would be long enough to truly work it, so I just kept getting my standard long bob.  I did, however, manage to have baby feathers that I'd glued in place with copious amounts of Aqua Net.  And then a few years later I tossed in the towel, gave up, went for a mohawk and then shaved almost all of my hair.  Yeah, I throw the towel in in a big way.

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Monday, April 7, 2014

World Travelin'

Costco style, that is.

After I worked out at the gym today I hit the Costco because we were out of everything.  Figuring there'd be no samples available, or at least none that I could eat with my finicky diet, I scarfed a couple dried pineapple slices from a bag I keep in my car for just such emergencies, and head in.

Well, I tell you what...I had the best Costco sample day ever!

Stuffed grape leaves, the most delicious lentil soup, hummus, and dried mango.  I was in Kali appetite heaven.

And now that I think about it, I didn't buy one thing I sampled.  Ya, I have no explanation for that.

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Sunday, April 6, 2014

Celebrating and a Give Away!

Today I'm celebrating!  One thousand days ago I started an adventure...an adventure in fun, love, and creativity.  At first it was just for fun and stress release, and over the thousand days it's truly become my absolute bliss.

A HUGE thank you to everyone who has followed and supported me during this adventure of mine.  I'm excited to start the next thousand paintings tomorrow.

P.S.  And to celebrate, I'm having a 50% off sale through April 21st (my birthday!) on all my paintings.  Unfortunately there's no way to do a discount on the site, so message me the one(s) you want and I'll happily adjust the price.  Click here to go to my shop.

P.P.S.  And I want to give away one of my pieces.  Leave a comment on this blog post telling me how you find your creative bliss and I'll randomly pick a winner on Friday.  Be sure to leave your email address so I can get a hold of you. 

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Saturday, April 5, 2014

Schoolin' the Kid

Totally schooled the kid in a game of "Guess this TV Theme Song".  I felt like a rock star and was ever so thankful that the shows were heavily 80s and earlier.  While my kid should have been in awe (to give him credit, he did say, "You must have watched a lot of TV as a kid."), all I got was this.


Me:  "Man, I rocked at that game!"

Little guy:  "Yeah, but those aren't real songs, mom.  You're terrible at real songs."


...they are, too, real songs.  Sanford and Son intro...now that's a REAL song.

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Friday, April 4, 2014

Stick a Fork in It

And by "it" I mean my husband.

Here's how it goes when we're out to eat and we actually get a dessert to share after the meal.


Me:  "I only want one bite."

Dave:  "Sure, 'only one bite'."


I take my fork and pull off the teeniest, tiniest, what can only be called a mere taste morsel.  Then after I decide I do, in fact, like it, I take my fork and reach toward the tiny cake plate...and Dave pulls the plate just out of my reach.  And then I stab him in the chest with my empty fork.  OK, perhaps "lightly poke" is the more appropriate term.

This happens over and over and over again.  And the amazing thing is, David still manages to eat pretty much the entire piece of the cake whilst steadfastly protecting his treasured treat.

Lucky for us he's just as protective of his family (excepting of our sweet tooth appetites, that is).

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Thursday, April 3, 2014

Cat Tale

We're pretty darn sure our kitten has a broken tail.  Instead of doing its usual salute to the sun it's all downward dog.  And if we even think about touching that tail, our kitty is all, "Do it and you'll draw back a bloody nub."  And now, for about the millionth time in my life, I find myself wishing that cats could talk...because I'd so totally love to hear his cat tale.

All I know is that his beautiful glaring eyes are totally saying, "Yeah, but you should see the other guy."

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Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Talking to Strangers can be Quite Delicious

It's what our parents all warned us about, but I find it rather delightful.  And, guess what, sometimes it has the nicest consequences.

A month or so ago I was standing in line to check out my groceries.  I could overhear a conversation at the next register.  The cashier was asking the customer how his day was going so far and the customer had a lovely story about volunteering at a school park doing landscaping.  And then he mentioned my school.

So I'm standing there thinking, "I should go tell him I work there and tell him how thankful I was for his kindness."  But then I lost my gumption as I passed him and kept walking out to my car.  Full of regret.  Kicking myself in the shin.

As I put my bags in my car I figured I'd look around to see if I could possibly have a second chance at it.  But no, no sign of him at all.  I hung my head, took my cart to the cart return, turned around, and there he was.  So I went up to that young fella, told him I'd overheard him (stalker, crazy lady that I am), told him my connection, and proceeded to thank him every so much.

And guess what...he was doing the volunteer work as part of his employer's mission to help the community.  And then he gave me a card with a code on it and said when I put the code in, something wonderful would show up in the mail.  And today it did!  I'm three nutritious bars richer, and I feel super warm in my heart.

So go talk to a stranger.  Turns out it can be quite delicious.

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Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Oops, He Did it Again

Yes, my husband's at it again.  He opened a package that came in the mail...that was addressed to me!!  Not cool, am I right?  Now really, ultimately I don't mind a bit.  It wasn't anything top secret.  It was just a couple of Swiss Army knives I'd ordered for the big guy and myself.  But the sheer pleasure of getting to open your own package is, well, it's awesome.  And I was denied.  Humph!

Well, timing is everything, right?  Whilst I was griping about having been denied my basic rights as a human (brown box-wise), the UPS guy pulled up out front and ran to our door and dropped off another package.  I sprinted to the door, picked up my package, saw my name, ran back in, retrieved my brand new Swiss Army knife, and proceeded to open that package!!!!!

It's not often that I get to resolve things and get satisfaction so quickly.


P.S. If you're wondering what my uber exciting package was...well, drum roll, it was herbal tea.  I get excited about the simplest things, what can I say?

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