Monday, April 9, 2012

Vegetables Make me Feel Naughty

Seriously, they do.  I sat at Whole Foods tonight eating lovely varieties of greens, some peas, and even (gasp!) asparagus.  I felt increasingly naughty with every bite I took.  If you know me pretty well, you know why.  For everyone else, well, almost two years ago I developed a blood clot under my clavicle.  If you're interested in the scoop on that, check below my's a little piece I wrote right after my diagnosis.  Anyway, that naughty feeling was WONDERFUL!  I haven't had those foods in almost two years and I noted every twang, all the amazing textures, the light crunch...mmmmmmm! 

Well, here's the current scoop.  Last week I had a doppler scan of my clot site and it was GONE!  The sucker had apparently finally dissolved and was assimilated into whatever old clots assimilate into.  So when I went to my hematologist today he ended up telling me to stop my blood thinning meds and to just go be a normal person (right.....).  Now, I'm not absolutely out of the woods.  I have to keep going back for a couple of tests, but if I'm still doing fine after six months I should be good to go.  So, yay!  OK, gotta go, I hear some broccoli calling my name.

"Be right there!!!"

May 9, 2010
What I’ve learned from my clot (who shall remain nameless, as I don’t want to become too attached to it)… Just to explain: on May 3, a blood clot was found under my right clavicle. I’d had symptoms of swelling, redness, and extremely visible (some bulging) veins in my right arm over the weekend.

- Well, I definitely know that I want to stick around, I pretty much like this “life” thing. Not ready to go yet.

- When something like this happens one’s life does flash before you. But for me, it’s not my life that I’ve already lived, it’s the life that is yet to come.

- People respond in many different ways when they know you have something potentially life-threatening going on, and all are equally fine and wonderful. Some are totally there for me, heart and soul, ready to listen, be a friend, do me favors, whatever. I’m blessed with A LOT of these! Some tell me stories of other people or themselves having had similar experiences. Some contact me just once and then fade away. Some have stayed away entirely after they’ve “heard about it”. And, some people, I swear, pick up on vibe from me and just feel that they need to get a hold of me for some reason, and they do. That’s pretty cool.

- When someone gives you a hug, you can tell if it’s the type of hug that means to them “This might be the last chance I ever have to hug you.” These hugs have a really interesting quality about them. They’re nice, actually, really genuine and full of delicious love.

- I am willing to do things that I never would have expected in order to get better, i.e. give myself shots, repeatedly, in my stomach. Whoda thunk it? My husband is also willing to do such things, i.e. giving me shots in my ass before I had the courage to start self-administering them. Thanks, babe! For everything!

- Stretch marks show up bright and clear, even through heavy bruising (yes, it’s my ass I’m talking about). Oh, and stretch marks are such a total nothing to worry about in the big scope of things.

- My children have their own age-appropriate ways of reacting to all of of this. Nicholas SO wants to give me a shot and loves watching me give them to myself. How groovy is that? He even offered to pull my catheter out when I was in the E.R. Um, thank you, but no. And Benjamin really wants to know how I’m doing, what the Dr. is saying about my lab work, and is generous with hugs when I’m feeling particularly scared, which has been a lot. Wow, both of them…so wonderful!

- I prefer to be more in control than this is allowing me to be.

- Going to sleep, and staying asleep, is very hard when you have in the back of your mind the possibility that a chunk of clot could migrate to your heart, lungs, or brain. Seriously not conducive to a good night’s sleep.

- Avoiding foods with Vitamin K is a bit challenging.

-  If you’re having trouble breathing AND you’re currently being treated for a blood clot you get service STAT at the E.R.

- That dye they put in you for a CT scan feels really creepy, warm, and odd.

-  My initial need for privacy about all this, and the fact that I’ve only let a limited few in on what’s going on (family/co-workers/need-to-know folks), so as to avoid those “pity” looks and time to process it all, is making me feel just a bit guilty that I haven’t told my dear friends/neighbors.

-  Even with everything that’s happened this week, and realizing that this is the most scared I’ve ever been, I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone’s. Being me pretty much rocks.

- And…contrary to what SOME people might think…I did not have a blood clot as part of my crazy attention-seeking compulsion. ;-)

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