Bird Food and Other Unmentionables

So I get made fun of.  A lot.  And it's from the people who are supposed to love me the most.  Yes, it's my dear family.  Now, they're not making fun of me because my hair looks odd...course it does, I have long since given up on trying to control the beast that my hair is.  They're not making fun of the way I dress...course there's room for a joke or two ten there.  Where do they find such fodder for fun making?  Well, of all places, it's the grub I put in my mouth.  You see, I change my diet.  Way more often than the average bear.  I'm on this eternal quest to find something that works for me, makes me feel good ("nutrified" is what we call it 'round these parts), causes minimal gas (yes, I said it), and meets all my ethical requirements (really I'd prefer if no animal had to die just so I could eat). 

Anyway, since Christmas I've been eating almost solely raw foods.  Yup, raw fruits, veggies, raw nuts, soaked grains, and some dehydrated stuff that has scored particularly low amongst my housemates (ya...the infamous kale).

So, this all rose to a bit of a head with my little guy tonight.  I made the grave error of using his school water bottle last night to have one of my green smoothies in.  Now, I must say that I washed this bottle in our sterilizing dishwasher, so I assumed all was cool.  But....


Little guy:  "Mom, I couldn't drink my water today.  There was green stuff floating all at the top."

Me:  "Oh, no!  I'm sorry!  Did you pour it out and refill it?"

Little guy:  "No way.  I didn't trust the bottle after that."


He sat down at the table beside me and watched me pour a bowl of chia, buckwheat, and hemp cereal.


Little guy:  "Can I try it?"

Me:  "Sure!"  Yes, I was getting way more excited than was warranted, but this kid is reluctant to try much of anything these days.


He pinched just a bit and put it in his mouth.


Little guy:  "It's bird food, mom."

Me:  "You're supposed to let it soak for five minutes before you eat it."

Little guy:  "You know what your diet is?  It's green baby diarrhea and bird food.  You're disgusting, mom."


And then he farted.


Me:  "That little bit of bird food did not cause that!"

Hmmmmm...I'm "disgusting"?

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